Open Harts…A Beginning

I have a confession to make… it took me years to like the Indigo Girls. I know this could be considered blasphemy in many of my girl circles (no pun intended for my circle sisters), but even through my teenage angst years something about the melody in the music made it hard for me to listen to them on repeat. I was more Belinda Carlisle and less Ani Defranco. Eventually, as things that get repeated over and over do, the Indigo Girls grew on me.

Recently, I was listening to Closer to Fine and I realized a few things. We all go through this search to find who we are, and there are a million ways to explore that. Some of us ignore the call of being different, some of us seek it and others fall off the path at the curve. This year I’ve been somewhere between seeking a different path and falling off the curve. It’s a fine line.

A year ago I left my reliable job of a decade to try to re-sort my priorities. I had loved my work, but I felt like I was sucking at being a mom and wife.  I took a job with less hours, got certified to teach yoga, and found my way back to a little sanity. My job is only eight hours less a week but it is amazing what great coworkers in a relaxed environment can do for your psyche. Oh and a little thing called Fridays off. That too.

In my year of resetting, I’ve pushed my boundaries in a lot of areas.  I’ve always had a lot of anxiety – it is my natural wavelength. For a long time I believed anxiety is what drove me and without it, I’d just be lazy.  I had a third-grade teacher, Mr. Harrison, who used to sing to our class “Lazy Bones” when he didn’t like the work we did.  He would also once in a while throw a chair in anger. This is my anxiety, always warning me about the dangers of being lazy, whilst throwing a punch every once in a while to keep me on the straight and narrow.

Staying on the straight and narrow was never a question until I met my husband Micah. He is a quintessential dreamer – not in the head in the clouds way,  but in the “Why do we have to conform?” way, the “I don’t want to live a certain way just because that’s what you are supposed to do” way. It certainly sounds good in theory. Who doesn’t want to live a carefree life, tilling the earth, backpacking through the wilderness… insert total stereotype of a privileged lady exploring the ends of the earth (maybe minus the high heels).

A few years ago Micah wanted to travel the world for two years…WITH KIDS.  I smiled, sweated on the inside, then did a jig when I got a new position at work that would be silly to turn down. As the years passed, that dream turned into a sabbatical for our ten-year anniversary. Mind you neither of us are tenured professors, so the idea of a sabbatical seemed ludicrous to me. It’s not that I didn’t want to travel the world, who wouldn’t, but how would we ever make that work without us both leaving our jobs permanently? I obviously forgot who I married. Micah has a knack for crazy ideas working out in his favor. As we were both preparing to leave our jobs to take the summer off to travel, Micah got a new job offer. He was effectively able to get the time off and have a job to come back to. This made it much more palatable for me; even if my future after the trip is a big question mark. Small details.

So, on to the true purpose of this blog! I am hoping to take you with us inside our family’s travels around Europe this summer and all the shenanigans that ensue. There will be some soul searching (hopefully not because I’ve lost it on a child in public), a lot of boundary pushing and I’m sure a nice dose of anxiety-calming pranyama (breath control). Being that it took me weeks to write this first blog post, I’m hoping to be similar to your favorite author who you wait for their next novel with baited breath vs. the television series you used to like but has overstayed its welcome (ahem…Silicon Valley). Our first stop is Lisbon for a month. I’m hoping those Portuguese lessons Micah’s been taking are helpful because I’m ready to play the mute American by his side. Stay tuned.